Situation is much in the same place, mind is slowly changing. Mind is most of the equation most of the time, nu?
A new season. A new year. Not a new me, but some realization and acceptance of how things are, of who I am, and of dreams and aspirations of who I'd like to be. Of making conscious choices for, perhaps, the first time in my life. And for choices that I cannot make, to change the way I see/feel/react to them. It is a long way to Grace.
In less heavy news--Miz Zen Work-Bestie and I are planning total DIY (in your face). Tomorrow we plan out her teenyweeny veg garden for next year. I'm not-so-secretly planning starts for her as I've got the room. I've also got herb cuttings to root for her (i can't imagine i can do this in January). In exchange, she is spinning yarn for me. (i get the better deal, for sure). I love being able to trade knowledge/interest/craft with someone. Cannot wait to get more bandwidth to trade all the things.
2012 is the Year of the Vegetable. I do not know what our living situation will be come September and so this might be my last year (for the next couple of years) to grow food. I need to just blow it all out. I'll make plans, for sure--but I'm also throwing caution to the wind--if there is empty dirt, a seed is going in there. Period. If I'm crazy successful or something, I can just get our canned storage needs/wants for whatever comes next.
Speaking of whatever comes next--I have a big date in 3 weeks. I'm not sure how it will go. I don't feel real confident but I'm trying the whole "fake it till I make it" because honestly--I think I can reach the goal. In 3 weeks (knock on wood), my life opens back up again. I'm not sure what the outcome means, but I do know that I'll have a lot more free time. Even if things don't work out as planned, it has been nice to realize how much time I waste on things that don't matter. Studying intensively will do that ,I suppose.
A new year always excites me. Especially after the trauma of this last year. There are still plenty of personal losses that will need time to process. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever recover. Other times I realize that I'm not hep to live the Personal Tragedy That Never Recovers plot point. I did not choose a lot of aspects of this life, but in the end--it is still my life. My story. My narrative. I can embrace it or reject it, but it still just is. Might as well roll.