Saturday, September 10, 2011

Don't call it a comeback

I'm almost on my final day of my 2 week vacation.  It's been...well, I'd like to say it was glorious but given that the season in my life has changed---it's been it's own challenge.   I feel extremely rested but still not looking forward to returning.  This is not-so-obviously a sign that I am in the wrong place.  I am much less upset about that these days because--well, I need to work and this pays the bills.

Today was the best day (by far) of the vacation (aside from our travels last week).   I'm still decluttering my study, but the rest of the house has been seriously deep-cleaned.  We have bags and bags of clothing and books that we need to figure out if we are going to sell or just take to Goodwill.  I'd like to throw out EVEN MORE (like most of it), but right now I have minimalism on my mind.  I want to be much more mobile.

This, I'm sure, is completely due to now being the sole (soul?) income provider to  the household.  Awesome Husband is bringing in unemployment--but that is just bonus money for us to throw into savings because this may last for more years than I can imagine.

I am terrified much of the time these days.  I am also much more centered and grounded these days.  They say that crisis brings out the best in folks and thus far (and only 2 weeks in), I'm seeing what I'm really made of.  And I'm recognizing myself again and have found myself again in a way that I didn't realize I had lost.

"Baby gotta atom bomb", indeedy.

The garden has been cleaned up and ready for a cover crop this week.  It might be a bit early, but we get such minimal sun in winter (and late fall) that I'd like to get as much growth as I can now.  I'll be keeping a bed open for garlic to be planted in the next week or 2.

I'll be researching growing some food inside this winter/fall.  We have heat mats and lighting. I'm hoping I can provide at least some lettuce this winter before I have to start seed in February.

I've spent part of today readying about DIY self-irrigating systems using plastic and I am so gung-ho about trying it.  Yes, I'm trying to reduce our plastic consumption but I have no problem fishing plastic bottles and boxes from other people.  My brain has been working overtime today on starting some projects to see how absolutely little I can spend on growing a maximum amount of food. I don't have the details yet in my head like "how much space do I need", but I'm thinking of having a couple projects going on (separate from my own raised bed garden) to see what happens.

More than that, I'm just thrilled that I got turned on again by something. I've lost my passion in most things for the past year (almost exactly) so to want to chew on this process, to remember that I am still interested in  helping myself and others become as self-sufficient as possible--is enormous to me.   There is more to life than the daily grind I have been sucked into.  It's too bad that it has taken a crisis for me to wake up, but I'm not sure what else gets folks out of complacency.

Spent this afternoon cooking.  Big pot of late-summer-chowder goodness, rice, and late summer goodness salads.   The "lets just eat out" excuses don't cut it when your income has halved.   I am actually welcoming it as we have fallen into some bad, bad patterns this last year that I wanted to stop, but didn't know how to. An outside force changing the pattern is a blessing. A lazy blessing, but god knows if we would have done it ourselves.

This whole change is a blessing, no matter what happens or how it plays out.  Even through my fears, I'm calmer and more collected than I have been in a long time.  If nothing else, learning how to be centered in the middle of a storm--that is a blessing.

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"Every morning I awake torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it. This makes it hard to plan the day."

-E.B. White

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