Sunday, July 12, 2009

Oh, for f*cks sake. Can I divorce myself?

Can I just sit in the corner with the Dunce's cap on my head?!? Can I? How about just getting it all over with and receiving the "Worst Vegetable Gardener Of the Year".

I have screwed up SO MANY THINGS this spring and summer that I just want to punch myself in the head. They are all such obvious things and now that I know--I feel like such a dolt. Like my poor leeks that I didn't realize until a week or two ago needed to be divided individually. They are finally springing back--but not without having a lot of the green leaves totally burnt off because I obviously can't figure out how to freakin' water properly.

And now? You know what it is now? Now I've figured out why I'm not having ANY success planting from directly sowing seeds into the ground. It's a seed, yes? Yes. You put it in the dirt and a little water and...voila! a plant, right? I mean, nature does that all the time. It can't be rocket science.

But it is obviously rocket science because I have been doing it totally and completely wrong. Yes. Completely and utterly wrong. Planting seeds. Me. Doing it. Or, rather, not doing it.

Here is a checklist of how to plant seeds and I will list out whether I followed it or not:

1) Have dirt check
2) Have seeds check
3) Make sure temperature is right to start seed check


4) Wet down bed before planting seeds nope
5) Wet down a few times to really get the soil wet nope
6) For tiny seeds, just plant it on top of the soil nope
7) Lightly rake dirt over tiny seeds with your finger nope
8) Lightly pat down the bed with your hand to decrease air space
so the water can actually reach the seed nope
9) Keep the bed moist by watering daily/twice a day until sprout nope
10) Maybe put a row cover on top of the bed to keep moisture in nope

As you can see, I got down the dirt and the seeds and that's about as far as I went with it. I guess I should just be thrilled that I knew that you had to have seeds to plant instead of thinking the magical vegetable fairies just put them in there for you.

I hate myself right now. I really do. We could be swimming in carrots and lettuces and spinach right now.

I learned all of this and a ridiculous amount of information on my Winter Garden class today. It was the most informative 2 hours of this whole gardening process. It was amazing and fantastic and I totally can't wait to get out to my garden tomorrow and start trying to plant again.

Floating row covers are going to be my new BFF from now on and as soon as I get the poor zucchini plant cured of the white fungus/mold growing on it's leaves because I've been a jerk to it and watering the leaves.

I can't belive I started this process absolutely sure we'd be eating like kings this year out of my garden. Really, we'd be dead from starvation at this point and it is all boneheaded.

In happier news, I'm so blown away by Seattle Tilth and the class I just was in that I've just now signed up as a volunteer and will hopefully be going to an orientation on Tuesday.

I even said that I was interested in the Master Soil Builder/Composter program. I'd be surprised if I actually got into that one. I'd have to go to 6 sessions of education and then be required to teach outreach classes for at least 40 hours for the rest of the year. I'd be happy to, actually.

The last part There is a Comprehensive Organic Food Gardener Program that I've been dying to join. I just found out that they are having the program again September 27-Oct 13. There are 4 evening classes for a couple of hours and 3 all day classes/hands-on on Saturdays. The bummer is that 2 of the Saturdays occur before and after our anniversary...which falls smack in the middle of the week. :(

Awesome Husband isn't happy about it, but he also knows that I really want this training and can't get it again until Spring.

I feel like a jerk because I'm happy to celebrate the anniversary a week late if we want to get out of town. I hate that I seem to be lacking any romantic bone in my body. Or, at least that my romantic bones resembles anything remotely "normal". The second anniversary seems a bit early for me to want to go running off to do something else instead. sigh...

I feel terribly selfish and I'm not sure how this is going to be resolved without someone being mad. I should try come up with at least a fabulous alternative that would make us both happy. eesh. This totally blows. I want this class so bad.

1 comment:

  1. Ah for feck's sakes, don't even think about divorcing yourself. Gardening is a life-long pursuit; no one just up and does it and succeeds the first time. Or even the second. It's an art and a science that takes doggone years to cultivate, and it also requires the touch and a very high level of persistence, imagination, and desire. All three of the above you have in spades. Just keep at it, because it's something you're authentically passionate about. You *will* succeed at this; I promise you. Just keep that chin up and soldier along. These are all invaluable lessons you're learning, and better now than later.

    The scheduling has *nothing* to do with you... it's simply awful timing. You're not a bad or selfish wife; you're incredible and productive and antsy and dedicated and ridiculously intelligent and ambitious and a perfectionist and growing and wildly fascinating and wonderful stimulus for The Laughing Noirist. You didn't plonk the Comprehensive Organic Food Gardener Program dates on a calendar; that's just when it's being offered. And really, it's just a week in the grand scheme of your lives, and it's not even as if anything critical for the anniversary falls on that date yet. If he's sensitive about the timing, maybe it's because he's sensitive about other stuff that makes this a problem. Figure out that problem, work on fixing it, and this might'nt even be an issue... a'tall.

    And seriously, your motto is absolutely right on the ball: if you're not happy, he's going down too. It's just the nature of a partnership, and it works both ways. Good luck and keep me posted.

    ~ jitsulassie


"Every morning I awake torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it. This makes it hard to plan the day."

-E.B. White

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